As my business partner and husband Tim and I sat and talked about what we want to do with our new business Tipping Point Wellness, and how to combine our talents and skill sets to positively impact the community and ultimately the world, we toiled for a while. It was rough for a minute. Idea after idea was tossed around like a tiny boat on a stormy sea with no shore in sight.
But then it eventually clicked. We realized that these two worlds can indeed collide. The fastest way to anyone’s heart is through their stomach, right? Isn’t that what they say? Well, could it also be said that the fastest way to their minds and behaviors is also through cooking and their stomachs? We would argue, for sure it is! Here’s how:
The Assessment Phase - Prioritize and Plan (The ‘P’)
When Tim gets an idea about what he wants to cook, he begins by surveying the landscape. He looks in the fridge, the freezer, the cabinets and makes a determination about what he would like to prepare. His gift is truly being able to cook a meal seemingly and purely out of thin air - where I would look and say there’s nothing to eat, he would look and see a smorgasbord of goodies to prepare. I still don’t get it, but I’ll take it!
2. The Preparation Phase - Reflect (The ‘R’)
Following the above surveying job, he reflects on what he could or would like to make based on the ingredients and the time he has. He then takes all of these items out and begins to prepare, or “prep” the meal. That means he marinates if needed; he cuts; he slices; he seasons; he gets the pots, pans and whatever other cooking utensils will be needed. It’s a full-on ordeal! Honestly, from the outside looking in, it truly is art in the making that always amazes me.
When we think about life, aren’t the makings of a successful life about surveying, reflecting and prepping? When we have an idea, we look around and see what in our environment can support that idea. We look around to see that we do or do not have the ingredients necessary for what we would like to have happen. If we don’t have them, we work with what we have. Or we can go outside and get the tools needed. For example, in cooking, if you don’t have a certain ingredient you want to work with, you either make due with what you have or you go to your neighbor’s - do people still do that?? - or the store to get the required or necessary ingredients. You become resourceful. Once you gather the appropriate tools or ‘ingredients,’ you can then begin the preparatory work.
What you desire doesn’t just happen out of thin air, like “Poof!” and there it is. No. It takes time to prepare. There is work that is required before that thing can come to fruition. This is where school and studying come into play.
We listened to a quote in a song entitled “Cry No More” by an artist by the name of Phonte. This quote literally brought tears to our eyes as we listened and made this connection about the importance of prep in not only cooking, but life:
“When I was a kid, my dad...was an executive chef, that’s what he did for a living. He would bring me to the kitchen, I would be so excited to cook. And he’d be like, ‘naw, you need to prep, you need to do the preparation.’ And I didn’t understand it at the time, but he was teaching me about life.”
As a psychologist who often works with children and families, I realize that parents often get upset and frustrated when their child doesn’t do what they want of them. Whether it’s to complete a chore, do homework, calm down. Yet there is no prep work that has been laid to prepare for when the child is having a hard time. Granted, kids are often not taught what they can do when feeling angry, upset, or the like. They are only taught what NOT to do - don’t throw, don’t yell, don’t curse, don’t cry. Yet the brain doesn’t understand the concept of ‘don’t’ or ‘not.’ Don’t think of a pink elephant in a tutu....and you’re welcome for that example because now you have visions of pink elephants running around in tutus in your mind!
So what we can do in case of those situations (because they will come up) is to ‘prep.’ What you can do when you feel upset, sad, angry, etc., is ‘this’ - insert any coping tool, such as breathing, tapping, talking, drawing, remove yourself from the situation, meditation, etc. Too many to name here. But hopefully you get the point.
The importance is in the prep.
3. The Action Phase - Execute (The ‘E’)
The next step in his process is that he begins to execute by putting the meal together and beginning the cooking process.
Sometimes you can cook with the same exact ingredients and the meal will come out just a bit different than the previous time you cooked it. Why? It has nothing to do with your skills in the kitchen. It could be that a pinch more of salt was added than the last time. It could be that the humidity was a little higher that day. Or it could be that you left it in the oven just a little longer...or shorter than before. Whatever the case, there’s always an external variable that can impact the outcome.
The same goes for our moods, behaviors, and how they impact family dynamics, our relationships. Maybe someone is just in a different mood on one day, which changes the whole impact of what was said, or the intervention. Maybe they are in a HALT state - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired - and that has an impact on how they respond to you.
Regardless, the execution is always unique. And the meal will never come to life without taking action. You can have all the ingredients in the world at the ready, but until you take action by putting them all together and cooking them, they mean nothing. The importance is in the act of doing.
Too often we get stuck in a rut and claim that, since we know how to do x, y, or z, that we should be good or successful. Have you put that knowledge into action? Or do you sit on the sidelines and hope it magically happens? You wouldn’t do that to a meal you prepare, so why would you apply that thinking to your life? Take action, put it in the oven, cook it on the stove - do SOMETHING, and whether it comes out the way you desire or not, that can lead you to the next and final step of the PREP phase.
4. The Evaluation/Post-Assessment Phase - Process (The ‘P’)
The thing with cooking is that if it doesn’t come out right or to our liking on one particular take, then we try again. We go back to the drawing board. It’s an opportunity to learn, grow, and change so that the next time it’s closer to the desired result.
The same should hold true to our behaviors, including interactions with family members. If an interaction doesn’t go as planned, it’s simply a time to try again - learn from it, grow from it, and change so that the next time you get closer to the desired result. It’s really that simple.
Sometimes we tend to overcomplicate life. But it doesn’t always need to be that difficult. It truly is just like cooking. We work with what we have, get what we need or want, and make the appropriate adjustments as needed. We keep feeding ourselves. We don’t say just because I ate yesterday, I shouldn’t have to eat today. Or because that meal wasn’t ‘perfect’ yesterday I will never cook again.
So why do we treat our relationships and even mental health that way? Why do people say I tried this intervention, or I tried talking to this person and it didn’t work so I’m just not going to do it anymore?
We starve our souls and our relationships when we approach life this way. It’s a constant learning experience, and one in which we consistently grow. When things go out of season and no longer work the way they used to, we simply get what’s in season. When something in our relationships no longer work the way they once did, we change course and find out what works and what’s in season now. Then create that perfect meal.
So there you have it. The four ways to ‘PREP’ for a better you. It’s all in the Prioritizing and Planning; Reflection; Execution; and Processing, or Post-Assessment. I told you - cooking and psychology really do have a lot of similarities and overlap! I get it, it seemed far-fetched initially, but hopefully you have gained a greater understanding about the simplicity of it all! So get in the kitchen or the game of life and get to creating! By the way...What’s cooking today?!
To inquire about Tipping Point Wellness’ services for a meal cooking and coaching session, feel free to reach us through email at tippingpointwellnessllc@gmail.com; our Facebook & Instagram pages at @tippingpointwellness; and our website (still a work in progress!), https://tippingpointwellne.wixsite.com/tpwllc-1. We would love to work with you and/or your family!